There are a lot of myths and misunderstandings about vaginal tightness and looseness. Having sex when your vagina feels too tight can be painful for you and your partner, and you might be wondering what you can do to fix it.
The most common reasons for a tight vagina are changes in your hormones, not enough lubrication, and the medical condition of vaginismus. You can loosen up down there by using more lube, foreplay, masturbating, pelvic exercises, and practicing with a vaginal dilator.
If you’re struggling with a tight vagina and painful sex, keep reading to figure out what might be causing it, along with practical tips you can try to loosen things up down there.
If you have serious concerns about your vagina’s tightness, you should always consult your doctor. You could have a medical condition that requires professional treatment.
Reasons Your Vagina is Too Tight
There are many reasons your vagina could feel too tight, and not all of them are serious. Your vagina is affected by your hormone levels, emotional state, and certain medical conditions. Almost all of these factors aren’t permanent, so don’t worry that your vagina will feel tight forever.
Not Enough Lubrication
Most of the time, what you feel is vaginal “tightness” is actually vaginal dryness. When you don’t have enough lubrication during sex, the resulting friction can be painful and feel tight. Fortunately, you can easily fix vaginal dryness with some over-the-counter lube.
Some people’s bodies naturally produce less lubrication than others. Alternatively, you might be taking medication that causes your vagina to feel drier as a side-effect.
There are several reasons your vagina might produce less lubrication: breastfeeding, menopause, taking birth control medication, and your vagina’s natural state.
Very few women have a vagina that’s naturally too small or too tight. Think about it – most vaginas are elastic enough to push out a baby during childbirth! If you think you have a tight or tiny vagina, you probably just need more lubrication.
Your Hormones Are Changing
Your vagina changes in response to hormonal changes – from puberty to pregnancy to postpartum to menopause. All these changes over your life mean that your vagina might feel tighter or looser than it used to, depending on the stage of life you’re in.
Most of these changes just cause vaginal dryness, which you can fix with lube. But if you’re going through menopause, your vagina may be getting tighter. The drop in estrogen levels in your body can cause your vaginal tissue to atrophy, which means your vagina actually gets narrower.
Talk to your doctor if you’re going through menopause and are concerned that your tight vagina is causing painful sex. She might prescribe you an estrogen cream or give you advice for easing back into comfortable, satisfying sex.
You Have Vaginismus
Vaginismus is a condition that causes your vagina to tighten during or before penetration. It’s an involuntary reaction that can cause pain during sex, during pelvic exams, and even when you’re inserting a tampon.
Anyone can develop vaginismus. However, it’s more common in virgins and in people who have survived sexual assault or trauma. Vaginismus causes the pelvic floor muscles to spasm and clench. The result is pain during any kind of vaginal penetration.
If you have pain when using a tampon, your tight vagina is probably due to vaginismus instead of lack of lubrication or a hormonal imbalance. Vaginismus is treatable, and you should ask your doctor about it right away.
There are several therapies available to treat vaginismus. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, pelvic floor therapy, and even sex therapy can help you relax and loosen up your pelvic floor muscles for penetration.
How To Loosen Up Down There
Fortunately, most methods for loosening your vagina are easy to do at home and don’t require any help from a doctor. Try these tips to assist with vaginal tightness, and you should be back to having pain-free sex in no time!
Use More Lube
I mentioned before that vaginal “tightness” is almost always vaginal dryness. The friction of penetration when there’s not enough lube is painful and easy to mistake for being “tight.” It’s also super easy to fix – just use lube.
There are tons of kinds of lubes out there that you can try. I recommend using water-based lube most of the time because it’s safe to use with toys. (And who doesn’t love a good vibrator or dildo?) You can’t go wrong with water-based lubricants.
Sometimes your mind is ready to have sex, but your body needs a little time to catch up. Foreplay helps you relax, and it can make your vagina slicker and loosen your vaginal muscles for when it’s time for penetration by encouraging natural lubrication.
That means you and your partner get to enjoy more foreplay! It’s the perfect opportunity to slow down in the bedroom and take your time with each other’s bodies. Experiment with nipple play, mutual masturbation, oral, and anything else that turns you on.
Or you can try combining this tip with the first. Ask your partner to go down on you before you try penetration. You can sweeten the deal by adding flavored lubes to keep things nice and slick. After you’ve gotten a mind-blowing orgasm from receiving oral, your vagina might be ready for penetration.
Did you know that masturbation can help your vagina feel less tight? Masturbation helps you relax and makes you feel more comfortable in your own body.
Masturbation can treat a tight vagina if you’re dealing with low natural lubrication, hormonal changes, or apprehension about sex. When you touch yourself, you’re totally in control of the situation. You can get your vagina used to penetration in a safe environment, whether with your fingers or a toy.
After a few self-love sessions, you can try having sex with a partner again. You ought to be more relaxed, comfortable, and confident, which will make your vagina less tight during sex.
If you’re tensing up before having penetrative sex, you might end up feeling tightness or experiencing painful intercourse. In addition to using lube and more foreplay, here are some tips you can try to feel more relaxed before sex:
- Set the scene. Turn down the lights, light a relaxing candle, and put on some mood music. The right sounds and smells can make you feel relaxed and ready for romance.
- Have sex in the bathtub or shower. Most people find baths or showers relaxing, and you can usually make room for two. If you’re going to have sex in the water, be sure to bring some silicone-based lube because water-based lube will wash away.
- Get a sexy massage from your partner. Few things are more relaxing than a massage, and it’s easy for your partner to move from massaging your body to giving you erotic touches.
Check out the System JO Massage All-In-One Silicone Lubricant if you want to try some of these methods. It’s massage oil and silicone-based lube, making it perfect for erotic massage and hot tub sex.
Use a Dilator
Vaginal dilators are sex toys that help your vagina get accustomed to penetration. They’re like dildos that you leave in your vagina for long periods, so your body gets used to the sensation. Dilators are often used by trans women after their bottom surgery and by women with vaginismus.
I recommend the Inspire Silicone Dilator Training Set available on Lovehoney. This kit has five dilators that you can work your way through. The smallest is about the size of a pinky finger, and the largest is comparable to a large penis. Start small, and when you’re comfortable with one size, try the next.
Be sure to use plenty of lube and to go slow when practicing with vaginal dilators. You might find it useful to start with teasing motions on your outer lips before insertion and then practice gentle thrusts with the dilator.
As your body gets used to these pleasurable sensations, you should be able to relax and enjoy penetrative sex.
See a Doctor if You are Concerned About a Tight Vagina
Vaginismus and other medical conditions may require a doctor’s help to treat. Your vaginismus might respond to therapy, or you could have a different, rarer condition.
It’s very uncommon, but your vagina might have a structural abnormality that makes it too tight, like a thick hymen. Your doctor can also advise you if your medication might be causing vaginal dryness or painful intercourse.
If sex is consistently painful, the best thing you can do for your body is ask your doctor about it. Your doctor is there to help you, so don’t be afraid to bring up the subject of your tight vaginal muscles.
Sex should never be painful. For most women, the solution to having a tight vagina is to slow down, have more foreplay, and more lube. With enough relaxation and lubrication, that “tight” feeling in your vaginal wall should go away.
But if these methods don’t work for you, it’s best to ask your doctor for help. They might recommend you practice with a dilator or suggest therapy to help you relax during sex. With some patience and practice, you should be back to having satisfying, comfortable sex.